How to Truly Forgive

August 24, 2014

FORGIVE ONE ANOTHER

Have you ever thought you had forgiven someone and found that the pain and hurt were still there, just as raw as ever?  What do we do now?  Once we forgive, shouldn’t it be behind us?  How on earth do we get over it???  Christians are  supposed to forgive. It’s what we do. It’s what makes us different from the world. The world wants to get even.  But not us.  In fact, the Bible tells us if we ever expect God to forgive us,  we must first forgive those how have sinned against us.

Unforgiveness is brutal. It robs us of our lives. It holds us hostage to the past and won’t allow us beyond the pain. It keeps the hurt fresh, constantly reminding us saying …”poor pitiful me” and “look what they did to me.”  Unforgiveness is a burden of wrongs we feel entitled to carry.  And you have been wronged. I have. But we can’t live like this. Years ago I learned a little secret of how to forgive a hurt and get over it.  Do you want to know how to truly forgive? It’s an amazingly simple thing to do.

Not too long ago I was talking with a friend and she reminded me of something I had long forgotten. It took me a few minutes to recollect what she was referring to. It was during a painful personal trial and I had long ago put it behind me. In fact, I could barely remember any of the details. After she gave me a brief refresher, I exclaimed and marveled to her that I had not thought of that in years! Once again I realized my little secret for how to truly forgive, really works!

The actual event in my life was painful.  But I had learned my lesson and those involved no longer dominated my thoughts and cares, as they once had.  There is only one way to truly forgive someone and forget. And this sounds so small, but trust me, we will never have any relief from the pain, if we choose to hold on to it. We have to let it go. But how?

Now, I want to make a quick caveat to this. If your hurt is still fresh, of course, you will need time to get to the point you even want to forgive. If you are still going through something, this is not about you. 

Do you really want to know? The way to forgive someone and know you have truly forgiven them is to forget it. Now you say, I can’t forget what they did to me. Yes, you can. It’s very simple. Pray sincerely and tell the Lord you forgive them. Or go to them and ask for forgiveness. Forgive them in your heart.

Then: Stop talking about it.

Jesus never went around talking and reliving things people did to him. He forgave them and went on about his life. We have to stop rehashing in our minds and to each other how wrong we’ve been treated.  Once we stop talking about it, we will forget. When we forget, we will know we have forgiven. It’s that simple. Stop talking about it.

There are people who can recall a wrong done to them in their childhood, as if it were yesterday. That always floors me. I want to say, “You do realize that happened in Junior High?” I don’t think those wrongs have been forgiven.  They hold on to them too tightly. They remain too fresh in their memory.

I hear people say “I’ll forgive, but I won’t forget.” This is true, but only to a point.  There are things you shouldn’t forget.   You shouldn’t forget the lessons you learn from the betrayal. You shouldn’t forget  the pain and how it made you feel, so you don’t hurt others. If you don’t learn from your experiences, you are destined to repeat them. So do remember the lessons. But forget the details of how you happened to learn them.

We are commanded to forgive. So, let it go. Give it to God. Forgive in your heart. MOST IMPORTANTLY: Stop talking about it. If  you do, you will truly forget. And then you will know you have truly forgiven.

Philippians 4:8-9 says, “Finally brothers (and sisters) Whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think on these things….Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put into practice. And the God of Peace will be with you.”

And there is a major upside to living a life of forgiveness…You’ll be free, forgiven and filled with Peace.

And one day someone will ask you about something from your past, and you too, will have no idea what they’re talking about because you have truly forgiven and forgotten. It’s not hard. Fill your mind with the good things~  think about all your blessings  ~ talk about them!  You’ll soon find yourself living a life of forgiveness!

Bless you.

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2 Comments

  • Elizabeth

    Renee, Forgiveness is such a wonderful and beautiful thing. It helps us learn and grow and become so much better, but it is a challenge. Our mortal-ness seems to get in the way of the divine aspects of forgiveness. Thanks for sharing here!

    December 16, 2014 at 1:50 pm Reply
    • admin

      Yes, I agree…..forgiveness can be difficult, especially in the midst of the hurt…but eventually life goes on and we have to learn and grow and forgive…..thank you, Elizabeth, for stopping by and commenting…come again…

      December 16, 2014 at 6:15 pm Reply

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